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Thursday, November 24, 2005
The game called Life
Back in Year 3, Semester 5 of college, my class had a project where we each had to come up with a map. The map could be of anything we wanted, so long as it was a map. One of the helpful hints our lecturers gave to help us come up with ideas was to go out and take photos of your surroundings and see where that leads. So, armed with my faithful camera, I went around taking photos of my housing estate and its surroundings. After my photos were developed, I planned out my initial idea, which was to map out the memories of my childhood (I think). That plan somehow morphed into The Game Called Life. Except since there was already a game called Life, and since it was my map, my ever helpful lecturer suggested I make it My Game of Life instead.
So my map became a boardgame, consisting of a board, with little steps leading from 'Start' till my 'Goal' and cute little pictorials on the way which represented my aspirations in life, 'Chance' cards similiar to the ones you find in Monopoly, counters to represent the players, dice for the players to roll, and a box to keep it all in. It was a very simple game, mostly because it was half-assed work. However, it wasn't until I presented my map that I noticed something that I apparently didn't give much thought to - all my aspirations were material in nature. As represented by the little icons I drew on the map, my aspirations were: money, a car, more money, a house, and even more money. Even the 'Chance' cards revolved only around that particular topic.
From the somewhat puzzled expression on her face, I suppose maybe my lecturer was wondering if that was really all I cared about. And for awhile, I wondered about it too. Of course, after I thought it through, I realized that yes, I cared deeply about those things, but not because those material things were what I wanted. It was because those material things would give me what I want in life. I have always wanted total and complete independance in my life. Money would make me able to buy a car, which would give me the freedom of mobility, to a certain point. If I had more money then I could buy myself a place to live in, then I won't be forced to put up with my parents anymore. Even more money and I can live the rest of my life doing whatever I want without being bothered about my finances. And since all the goals could only be reached if I had money, it became the force that drives me.
Funnily enough, when time moves us along the journey of life and when the events that take place in the square you land on shape who you are, your goals change. Little things get added along the way, or you find things that you thought you wanted, but never really did, or you shift the direction you're going to completely. When I was younger I had dreams about who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do. These dreams took a complete about-turn when I entered the Science stream where I realized, when, looking at the people around me, it was not what I wanted to do, nor was it where I wanted to be. So I chose to explore an alternate route, not for the sake of being different, but because I realized I was different. Though I don't regret my decision, sometimes I find myself thinking - what if the dream I work so hard to reach is really only that - a dream? Where do I go to then? It would be especially bitter since it was something I chose by design, not something I stumbled along or was forced into, so I would have no one to blame but myself.
I suppose that if that were to happen, I would have to grit my teeth and move on. Time waits for no one, and unlike a boardgame you cannot choose to take your time to make a move. Every pause and grief and anguish would only be a waste of time. Every day time moves me forward by one step, and the seconds are ticking fast.
Best do something about it.
So my map became a boardgame, consisting of a board, with little steps leading from 'Start' till my 'Goal' and cute little pictorials on the way which represented my aspirations in life, 'Chance' cards similiar to the ones you find in Monopoly, counters to represent the players, dice for the players to roll, and a box to keep it all in. It was a very simple game, mostly because it was half-assed work. However, it wasn't until I presented my map that I noticed something that I apparently didn't give much thought to - all my aspirations were material in nature. As represented by the little icons I drew on the map, my aspirations were: money, a car, more money, a house, and even more money. Even the 'Chance' cards revolved only around that particular topic.
From the somewhat puzzled expression on her face, I suppose maybe my lecturer was wondering if that was really all I cared about. And for awhile, I wondered about it too. Of course, after I thought it through, I realized that yes, I cared deeply about those things, but not because those material things were what I wanted. It was because those material things would give me what I want in life. I have always wanted total and complete independance in my life. Money would make me able to buy a car, which would give me the freedom of mobility, to a certain point. If I had more money then I could buy myself a place to live in, then I won't be forced to put up with my parents anymore. Even more money and I can live the rest of my life doing whatever I want without being bothered about my finances. And since all the goals could only be reached if I had money, it became the force that drives me.
Funnily enough, when time moves us along the journey of life and when the events that take place in the square you land on shape who you are, your goals change. Little things get added along the way, or you find things that you thought you wanted, but never really did, or you shift the direction you're going to completely. When I was younger I had dreams about who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do. These dreams took a complete about-turn when I entered the Science stream where I realized, when, looking at the people around me, it was not what I wanted to do, nor was it where I wanted to be. So I chose to explore an alternate route, not for the sake of being different, but because I realized I was different. Though I don't regret my decision, sometimes I find myself thinking - what if the dream I work so hard to reach is really only that - a dream? Where do I go to then? It would be especially bitter since it was something I chose by design, not something I stumbled along or was forced into, so I would have no one to blame but myself.
I suppose that if that were to happen, I would have to grit my teeth and move on. Time waits for no one, and unlike a boardgame you cannot choose to take your time to make a move. Every pause and grief and anguish would only be a waste of time. Every day time moves me forward by one step, and the seconds are ticking fast.
Best do something about it.
Published by: whiterabbit # 11/24/2005 02:19:00 am 
