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Monday, June 26, 2006
24
Been given 24 hours
to tie up loose ends
to make amends
His eyes said it all
I started to fall
and the silence deafened
Head spinning round
no time to sit down
just wanted to
run and run and run
Be careful they say
don't wish life away,
now I've one day
And I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time
In 24 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
--Lyrics to Jem's 24
Tagged by Kel.
If You Knew You Were Going To Die Today, What Would You Do?
First, I'd go write a will. I don't have much but I want certain things to go certain places. Clothes would probably go to Ee Ee Poh Poh, if she hasn't grown so fat that she can't wear them anymore :p Ee, I know you want my yummy pretty clothes :p
Next on the itinerary: rummaging through everything I own and burning things I don't think I need people to know about me after I'm gone. Like how I wrote in my long forsaken teenage diary about how much I hated my parents. As if I need to hurt them more than I'm already going to. And um, yes, it's still lying around somewhere. I was going to burn it for real long time ago but I keep procrastinating.
Meet up with the close friends I have around here and call the ones who aren't in the country. Maybe go for steamboat one last time.
I'd probably never really say goodbye to family due to traditional stiff upper lip Chinese upbringing, but I'd make sure I say something to everyone before I go. I'd probably spoil my kid brother by buying him a bucketload of games.
If I had time, I'd write letters to people I don't like about how I'm dead and coming to reap their souls in the next few days or something like that just to freak them out silly. Hey, just because I'm going doesn't mean I've lost my sense of humour.
Spend the rest of the day with Significant Other (predictable, I know). If I'm feeling particularly generous I'd tell him the real reason I love him again. Yes, I said again. Apparently a brief, succinct, and truthful "I just do" just doesn't cut it anymore, so one day I tried to put it into words for him, but he refuses to believe me. Then again, by any normal means it is ridiculous, highly improbable and makes no sense. Everyone I've mustered enough courage to tell the truth to has just given me a blank stare and said, "No really, what's the real reason??!" Including Significant Other. So despite all the whining and puppy dog eyes, I refuse to repeat myself because no one believes me anyway. Answers from my patented Ridiculous Answers to Questions I Don't Want To Answer Again book will be used instead, ranging from "You look like the type to strike it rich and I so happen to be a tai-tai in training" to "Because you're so tall! *gasp* SQUEEEEEE~!!". But yeah, if I feel particularly generous I'd tell him again. AND YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE ME THIS TIME OR I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME. Oh, I might also leave Significant Other with personal messages to tell my family after I'm gone, partly because of said traditional stiff upper lip Chinese upbringing and partly because I'm chicken.
After all that, hopefully I will die (dramatically) in his arms. Hey, better that than a violent death. Umm, unless it's a violent death perpetrated by Significant Other.
NOT PART OF INTERROGATION - Realistically though, I think if someone were to tell me I only had a day to live, this is what would happen: I'd wake up, look at the clock, decide it's too early to wake up and I need more sleep despite needing to do a million things, then fall asleep again, then die in my sleep because I was too lazy to get up. Sad but true, I am THAT lazy.
Ee, Gary, PM, Colin, Aerox, you're all tagged. Enjoy.
to tie up loose ends
to make amends
His eyes said it all
I started to fall
and the silence deafened
Head spinning round
no time to sit down
just wanted to
run and run and run
Be careful they say
don't wish life away,
now I've one day
And I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time
In 24 hours they'll be
laying flowers
on my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
need your blessing
and your promise to live free
please do it for me
--Lyrics to Jem's 24
Tagged by Kel.
If You Knew You Were Going To Die Today, What Would You Do?
First, I'd go write a will. I don't have much but I want certain things to go certain places. Clothes would probably go to Ee Ee Poh Poh, if she hasn't grown so fat that she can't wear them anymore :p Ee, I know you want my yummy pretty clothes :p
Next on the itinerary: rummaging through everything I own and burning things I don't think I need people to know about me after I'm gone. Like how I wrote in my long forsaken teenage diary about how much I hated my parents. As if I need to hurt them more than I'm already going to. And um, yes, it's still lying around somewhere. I was going to burn it for real long time ago but I keep procrastinating.
Meet up with the close friends I have around here and call the ones who aren't in the country. Maybe go for steamboat one last time.
I'd probably never really say goodbye to family due to traditional stiff upper lip Chinese upbringing, but I'd make sure I say something to everyone before I go. I'd probably spoil my kid brother by buying him a bucketload of games.
If I had time, I'd write letters to people I don't like about how I'm dead and coming to reap their souls in the next few days or something like that just to freak them out silly. Hey, just because I'm going doesn't mean I've lost my sense of humour.
Spend the rest of the day with Significant Other (predictable, I know). If I'm feeling particularly generous I'd tell him the real reason I love him again. Yes, I said again. Apparently a brief, succinct, and truthful "I just do" just doesn't cut it anymore, so one day I tried to put it into words for him, but he refuses to believe me. Then again, by any normal means it is ridiculous, highly improbable and makes no sense. Everyone I've mustered enough courage to tell the truth to has just given me a blank stare and said, "No really, what's the real reason??!" Including Significant Other. So despite all the whining and puppy dog eyes, I refuse to repeat myself because no one believes me anyway. Answers from my patented Ridiculous Answers to Questions I Don't Want To Answer Again book will be used instead, ranging from "You look like the type to strike it rich and I so happen to be a tai-tai in training" to "Because you're so tall! *gasp* SQUEEEEEE~!!". But yeah, if I feel particularly generous I'd tell him again. AND YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE ME THIS TIME OR I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME. Oh, I might also leave Significant Other with personal messages to tell my family after I'm gone, partly because of said traditional stiff upper lip Chinese upbringing and partly because I'm chicken.
After all that, hopefully I will die (dramatically) in his arms. Hey, better that than a violent death. Umm, unless it's a violent death perpetrated by Significant Other.
NOT PART OF INTERROGATION - Realistically though, I think if someone were to tell me I only had a day to live, this is what would happen: I'd wake up, look at the clock, decide it's too early to wake up and I need more sleep despite needing to do a million things, then fall asleep again, then die in my sleep because I was too lazy to get up. Sad but true, I am THAT lazy.
Ee, Gary, PM, Colin, Aerox, you're all tagged. Enjoy.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Breakdown
Work kinda got to me. Late last week I had a press ad and a logo to handle, Arguably not a lot of work, but the press ad required copywriting which I suck at (although weirdly enough, I never seem to have trouble coming up with blog titles), and the logo was stressful because it's a big BIG project (to me, anyway). As expected, I had major trouble trying to come up with an impressive tagline for the ad, and as for the logo...well, I had never done anything like that before, and perfectionist me was worried about majorly screwing up. Throw in a couple of side projects I had to finish and tight deadlines and you have a nervous wreck.
I really started work early enough, but getting stumped on the tagline delayed the press ad till early this week. I started on the logo on time as well, but trying to figure out a name and trying to come up with something polished (which my work is still not) was a bit of a uphill climb to me. All that resulted in me sleeping late trying to crack my panicked self for a tagline and impressive logo, waking up feeling cranky and then trying not to fall asleep at noon at work, and then getting even more freaked out because the deadline is close and I still haven't gotten any ideas yet. Rinse and repeat. I swear I was so stressed I got chest pains and was half-wondering if work would be easier if I drowned myself in some alco in the middle of the afternoon (hey, I don't smoke, after all). I finally broke down Tuesday night and wailed to Gary about how I sucked and wasn't good enough to be where I was and doubted that I was going to go anywhere, that maybe I should quit and go back to designing websites or magazines, etc. Feel really bad about burdening him with my negativity now ^^;
Anyway, the work's finally been done and it feels like this massive weight have been lifted off my chest. Many thanks to everyone (Gary especially :D) for the help and kind words. To those who didn't hear about it, er, it's really because I feel that I should learn how to do the work on my own without leaning on anyone for help because hey, I gotta learn how to handle it by myself one day, right? Besides, it still is my work :/
Now to go catch up on my lost sleep. Toodles!
I really started work early enough, but getting stumped on the tagline delayed the press ad till early this week. I started on the logo on time as well, but trying to figure out a name and trying to come up with something polished (which my work is still not) was a bit of a uphill climb to me. All that resulted in me sleeping late trying to crack my panicked self for a tagline and impressive logo, waking up feeling cranky and then trying not to fall asleep at noon at work, and then getting even more freaked out because the deadline is close and I still haven't gotten any ideas yet. Rinse and repeat. I swear I was so stressed I got chest pains and was half-wondering if work would be easier if I drowned myself in some alco in the middle of the afternoon (hey, I don't smoke, after all). I finally broke down Tuesday night and wailed to Gary about how I sucked and wasn't good enough to be where I was and doubted that I was going to go anywhere, that maybe I should quit and go back to designing websites or magazines, etc. Feel really bad about burdening him with my negativity now ^^;
Anyway, the work's finally been done and it feels like this massive weight have been lifted off my chest. Many thanks to everyone (Gary especially :D) for the help and kind words. To those who didn't hear about it, er, it's really because I feel that I should learn how to do the work on my own without leaning on anyone for help because hey, I gotta learn how to handle it by myself one day, right? Besides, it still is my work :/
Now to go catch up on my lost sleep. Toodles!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Akira
I figured that it had been forever since I last saw Akira, which is often touted as one of the best animes of all time, so I decided to pop it into the DVD player yesterday night. The last time I watched it was somewhere when I was in primary school, and the only thing I remembered about it was the incredibly disturbing scene where Tetsuo transforms into....into.....uh, that thing. Whatever you call it. The vague recollections that Akira was good stuff combined with my even more vague recollection of the movie was what made me watch it again, so that I can finally say more about it other then "Yeah, I saw Akira when I was pretty young. It was great! But, uh, I don't remember anything besides that horrifying tranformation scene."
Well, now that I've seen it again, I can say this with even more impunity: I still have no clue what it's about. Oh sure, stuff happens in the movie. But really, what I mean is I'm still trying to work out what the underlying issues are and what the movie is trying to say on a whole. I guess it didn't help that the subtitles on the copy I had disappeared during crucial moments. Special Edition DVD indeed.
Anyway, if anyone out there has any idea who those three creepy kids really are and what they did to Tetsuo and who Akira really is, please enlighten me.
Well, now that I've seen it again, I can say this with even more impunity: I still have no clue what it's about. Oh sure, stuff happens in the movie. But really, what I mean is I'm still trying to work out what the underlying issues are and what the movie is trying to say on a whole. I guess it didn't help that the subtitles on the copy I had disappeared during crucial moments. Special Edition DVD indeed.
Anyway, if anyone out there has any idea who those three creepy kids really are and what they did to Tetsuo and who Akira really is, please enlighten me.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Operator, the line is dead
I've always thought that Jason Lo was one of the best local artistes we have here in Malaysia. He always made pretty good music, but I've never felt the need to look up his music like I do with some others I rave about. Until I heard Operator, The Line Is Dead. I felt compelled to post this because the song went beyond being good music for me. I may not quite understand the lyrics, but I hear its message and it resonates deeply with me, bringing back all my ugly thoughts, memories and feelings about myself, all the desperation, the hate, the despair and the self-pity of what it's like to be suicidal. It took what seemed like a momumental effort (and a few really, really good friends) to crawl out of the mess I felt that I was in, and I suppose it was nothing but ironic that karma should show me what it was like from the other side a few years later. Sometimes the depression rebounds and I withdraw into my shell, but I've never forgotten that there are other people out there whose lives my stupid selfishness is affecting, and I remember the painful lesson that karma taught me.
Of course, since I don't understand the lyrics, for all I know I've completely misinterpreted the song. But it brings all this back, and reminds me that I have a long way to go. But I'll make it. I'll make sure of that.
Monday, June 05, 2006
The carnage that didn't happen
Last Friday I got an invite to the premiere of Cars, courtesy of my ex-colleague Cynthia. Obviously, I jumped at the chance to watch the movie about a week before everyone else, especially since she mentioned that a free dinner was thrown in. Italiannies too! Yummy. Of course, she forgot to mention that this was a press event and there were tons of journalists around, so for dinner I sat at a table with five of my other ex-colleagues, and maybe twelve to fourteen people I didn't know. The other fancy-schmancy event that I was forced to attend comes to mind. Well, at least the food is a million times better this time around.
The dinner was on the company sponsoring the event, which as one of my ex-colleagues joked, must have planned all this in advance so no one could write anything bad about them. In the beginning, there wasn't enough food to go around the table. I sat at one end with my ex-colleagues, and the starters arrived at the other end. By the time it got over to our side the fried calamari was all but gone, including the sauce which it came with. This prompted a lot of bitching over at my end of the table. That wasn't the only plate of fried calamari though, so the moment my ex-colleagues sighted the next plate they waved the waitperson over to place it over at our end.
Little did we all know of what was to come.
Not long after the second plate of calamari came a third, which everyone wolfed down hungrily. And then came two plates of their spaghetti with meatballs (which are the size of tennis balls, btw, and FULLY packed with meat). And then another. Then two plates of shrimp linguini. And two plates of chicken carbonara.
If you're familiar with the serving portions of Itallianies, you would be well aware that this alone was more than enough to feed our table of eighteen to twenty people rather comfortably. But that wasn't the end of the food. Soon afterwards, two more plates of beef carbonara appeared. The moment the waitpeople appeared with yet another plate of beef carbonara and two dishes (chicken with some vegetables on top - forgot what it's called), everyone stared in horror and started screaming "NO MORE!!! NO MORE~!!!"
Then the spokesperson for the company appeared and asked how we were all enjoying our dinner. "There's still dessert, you know?" she said, rather cheerily.
Oh. My. GOD.
The table was served two plates of bread pudding and two plates of cheesecake for dessert.
After we were all (finally) done, we surveyed the carnage on the table. Most people had stopped eating sometime after the chicken carbonara appeared, so everything else was half-eaten. Someone joked that if one of us bagged all of the remaining food they wouldn't have to buy any for the next two weeks. The food didn't go to waste, however, as the company was nice enough to let everyone bag the food.
Considering how everything went, it was a miracle that no one fell asleep during the movie. Like how another ex-colleague put it, "Too much food, too little stomach."
P.S.: Cars is a FANTASTIC movie. Don't miss it!
The dinner was on the company sponsoring the event, which as one of my ex-colleagues joked, must have planned all this in advance so no one could write anything bad about them. In the beginning, there wasn't enough food to go around the table. I sat at one end with my ex-colleagues, and the starters arrived at the other end. By the time it got over to our side the fried calamari was all but gone, including the sauce which it came with. This prompted a lot of bitching over at my end of the table. That wasn't the only plate of fried calamari though, so the moment my ex-colleagues sighted the next plate they waved the waitperson over to place it over at our end.
Little did we all know of what was to come.
Not long after the second plate of calamari came a third, which everyone wolfed down hungrily. And then came two plates of their spaghetti with meatballs (which are the size of tennis balls, btw, and FULLY packed with meat). And then another. Then two plates of shrimp linguini. And two plates of chicken carbonara.
If you're familiar with the serving portions of Itallianies, you would be well aware that this alone was more than enough to feed our table of eighteen to twenty people rather comfortably. But that wasn't the end of the food. Soon afterwards, two more plates of beef carbonara appeared. The moment the waitpeople appeared with yet another plate of beef carbonara and two dishes (chicken with some vegetables on top - forgot what it's called), everyone stared in horror and started screaming "NO MORE!!! NO MORE~!!!"
Then the spokesperson for the company appeared and asked how we were all enjoying our dinner. "There's still dessert, you know?" she said, rather cheerily.
Oh. My. GOD.
The table was served two plates of bread pudding and two plates of cheesecake for dessert.
After we were all (finally) done, we surveyed the carnage on the table. Most people had stopped eating sometime after the chicken carbonara appeared, so everything else was half-eaten. Someone joked that if one of us bagged all of the remaining food they wouldn't have to buy any for the next two weeks. The food didn't go to waste, however, as the company was nice enough to let everyone bag the food.
Considering how everything went, it was a miracle that no one fell asleep during the movie. Like how another ex-colleague put it, "Too much food, too little stomach."
P.S.: Cars is a FANTASTIC movie. Don't miss it!