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Monday, November 28, 2005
The most fucked up true Dungeons & Dragons story, ever
As anyone who has ever played a tabletop Dungeons & Dragons game can attest to, very hillarious scenarios often can and will happen in the game, especially when you least expect them to. Ask someone who has ever played a campaign and they will definitely regale you with fond memories of the amusing things that have happened in a particular game. This one that I will relate now revolves around a paladin and a swashbuckler (a prestige class for the fighter, think of it as a pirate).
It happened while on a quest, when the party came across some giants in the middle of the plains. Unable to avoid a confrontation, all the party members rolled initiative (for the uninitiated, combat in D&D is turn based, and you roll the dice to determine who gets to do what, when) and prepared to take down the group of giants. The party then spread themselves out, trying to make do with the best strategy possible. Meanwhile, one of the giants had lumbered up to the swashbuckler, and since he was faced with no other option, he tried to take it down. However, it was apparent after one round of fighting that the swashbuckler was simply no match for the giant. So he turned to the nearby paladin in his shining armour and mount and asked for his help in taking it down.
Now the person playing the paladin had built his character in such a way that he was exceedingly effective when charging his foes with a lance on his trusted steed, but rather mediocre in normal hand-to-hand combat. So in order to fight effectively, he has to take several rounds in combat to charge his attacks up to make the most out of it. So the paladin oblidged to the swashbuckler's request, casted a spell on himself and told him to wait while he got prepared.
The round after that, the swashbuckler scored a critical hit on the giant, which was indeed a bad move because the attack only served to annoy the giant. The giant then scanned for his source of irritation, decided it was the swashbuckler's sword that was at fault, and decided to sunder it. Smash! The sword broke into a million pieces.
"Uh oh," the swashbuckler said. Turning to the paladin, he cried, "Help! My sword's broken! I can't attack anymore!"
The paladin casted another spell on himself, and answered "Wait, I will be done in a while." So the swashbuckler, having faith in the paladin, decided to stay put and wait for him to come to his rescue.
On the next round, the giant was still annoyed. This time he chose to sunder the poor swashbuckler's armor. Smash! His armor broke, and the swashbuckler was left naked.
"HELP!!" he yelped to the paladin. "I have no more armor! Should I make a run for it??"
The paladin continued to cast spells on himself, and only replied, "Wait, I will be done soon. If you run away now the giant can attack you because you're prone, and since you have no armor he will surely hit you and you will die." So the swashbuckler stayed put in front of the giant.
The round after that, the giant mercilessly continued to smash the swashbuckler, dealing him a rather painful blow.
"HELPPP!!!" he cried at the paladin. "I'm gonna die soon!!"
The paladin casted yet another spell, took a five foot movement back, preparing to charge, and replied, "Wait, I'm coming, stay put and don't move." So the poor swashbuckler, unable to run away at this point, stayed put in front of the murderous giant.
Next round, the giant smashed the swashbuckler so hard he fell down dead straightaway.
Immediately after that, the paladin charged. The giant fell in one swoop blow of his powerful lance, buffered up by the spells he had casted on himself earlier.
"WTF!!!" screamed the now very dead swashbuckler. "DUDE!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SAVE ME EARLIER??!!! I COULD HAVE SURVIVED!!!!!"
"Well," replied the paladin, "I had to charge up first, otherwise I wouldn't have been so effective."
"BUT....BUT....I COULD HAVE SURVIVED!!! I WOULDN'T BE DEAD!!"
"But I need to charge up first what."
"ARRRRGHHHHHH!!!"
To this day, I still laugh my head off whenever I think about it.
It happened while on a quest, when the party came across some giants in the middle of the plains. Unable to avoid a confrontation, all the party members rolled initiative (for the uninitiated, combat in D&D is turn based, and you roll the dice to determine who gets to do what, when) and prepared to take down the group of giants. The party then spread themselves out, trying to make do with the best strategy possible. Meanwhile, one of the giants had lumbered up to the swashbuckler, and since he was faced with no other option, he tried to take it down. However, it was apparent after one round of fighting that the swashbuckler was simply no match for the giant. So he turned to the nearby paladin in his shining armour and mount and asked for his help in taking it down.
Now the person playing the paladin had built his character in such a way that he was exceedingly effective when charging his foes with a lance on his trusted steed, but rather mediocre in normal hand-to-hand combat. So in order to fight effectively, he has to take several rounds in combat to charge his attacks up to make the most out of it. So the paladin oblidged to the swashbuckler's request, casted a spell on himself and told him to wait while he got prepared.
The round after that, the swashbuckler scored a critical hit on the giant, which was indeed a bad move because the attack only served to annoy the giant. The giant then scanned for his source of irritation, decided it was the swashbuckler's sword that was at fault, and decided to sunder it. Smash! The sword broke into a million pieces.
"Uh oh," the swashbuckler said. Turning to the paladin, he cried, "Help! My sword's broken! I can't attack anymore!"
The paladin casted another spell on himself, and answered "Wait, I will be done in a while." So the swashbuckler, having faith in the paladin, decided to stay put and wait for him to come to his rescue.
On the next round, the giant was still annoyed. This time he chose to sunder the poor swashbuckler's armor. Smash! His armor broke, and the swashbuckler was left naked.
"HELP!!" he yelped to the paladin. "I have no more armor! Should I make a run for it??"
The paladin continued to cast spells on himself, and only replied, "Wait, I will be done soon. If you run away now the giant can attack you because you're prone, and since you have no armor he will surely hit you and you will die." So the swashbuckler stayed put in front of the giant.
The round after that, the giant mercilessly continued to smash the swashbuckler, dealing him a rather painful blow.
"HELPPP!!!" he cried at the paladin. "I'm gonna die soon!!"
The paladin casted yet another spell, took a five foot movement back, preparing to charge, and replied, "Wait, I'm coming, stay put and don't move." So the poor swashbuckler, unable to run away at this point, stayed put in front of the murderous giant.
Next round, the giant smashed the swashbuckler so hard he fell down dead straightaway.
Immediately after that, the paladin charged. The giant fell in one swoop blow of his powerful lance, buffered up by the spells he had casted on himself earlier.
"WTF!!!" screamed the now very dead swashbuckler. "DUDE!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SAVE ME EARLIER??!!! I COULD HAVE SURVIVED!!!!!"
"Well," replied the paladin, "I had to charge up first, otherwise I wouldn't have been so effective."
"BUT....BUT....I COULD HAVE SURVIVED!!! I WOULDN'T BE DEAD!!"
"But I need to charge up first what."
"ARRRRGHHHHHH!!!"
To this day, I still laugh my head off whenever I think about it.
Published by: whiterabbit # 11/28/2005 12:01:00 am 