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Thursday, November 10, 2005
The whiterabbit strikes again
Stupid, stupid me. I have freelance work to do and I'm so exhausted so I should get it done earlier so I can actually get some sleep, but no, I just have to while my time away surfing and doing other activities instead of work. I could have gotten it done during the week long holiday too, but no, I just had to lie around and do absolutely nothing all day, partly because I deserved the break, and partly because I dread having to do the work. Then I end up frantically working on the project late into the night and morning after, then go to sleep at 6am and arrive at work at least half an hour late and completely exhausted. Times like this I really hate myself.
Weirdly enough, if my colleagues were to ever find out that I'm like that, surprise would be an understatement. I am frighteningly efficient at work. Need something done? Voila. I have a nagging feeling that it's because I try to overcompensate for my inadequecies, perhaps to convince myself that I'm not such a horrible person after all. However, I feel it is no justification to the way I do things, but no matter how hard I try to change sometimes this just happens again, then I will simply get pissed and disappointed in myself and proceed to become depressed. I suppose I am just setting myself up for failure. Like I mentioned earlier, times like this I hate myself. :(
Weirdly enough, if my colleagues were to ever find out that I'm like that, surprise would be an understatement. I am frighteningly efficient at work. Need something done? Voila. I have a nagging feeling that it's because I try to overcompensate for my inadequecies, perhaps to convince myself that I'm not such a horrible person after all. However, I feel it is no justification to the way I do things, but no matter how hard I try to change sometimes this just happens again, then I will simply get pissed and disappointed in myself and proceed to become depressed. I suppose I am just setting myself up for failure. Like I mentioned earlier, times like this I hate myself. :(
Published by: whiterabbit # 11/10/2005 12:23:00 am 
